Urgh!

I saw the doctor yesterday and of course, I can try on our own this month but no clomid. He wants to put me on Metaformin to see if it will help at all. Metaformin is actually the gastrointestinal devil. It has awful side effects and a scarey (rare) but deadly condition can occur from taking it and it's side effects, basically very very very similar to the general ones! So last night I had a freak out about a lot of things, Metaformin was one of them. I have the prescription filled and right to go but I don't know if I want to take it, I don't know if I can handle work and Claire will such major "bath room" and horrible stomach side effects. It's just a "maybe" it will work. I don't have any high levels from my PCOS so it's just a precautionary measure. I have started taking 81mg of aspirin every morning. I'm fine with that (minus the whole glass of water in the morning. I hate drinking water or any liquid in the morning - yuck!) Urgh! I don't know what to do. I just want to start this cycle like normal! I wanted to start clomid now!! I don't want to wait, I DONT WANT TO!!! The need and want for a baby, a baby brother or sister for Claire is outrageously strong! It sucks! If I some how got pregnant on my own this month (ya right) I would be due the end of August. If I get pregnant with Decembers period, I would be due in October. I'm confused, mad, sad, angry and some-days hopeless. I hated. I'm so happy with Claire and my family but inside of breaking and I don't know how much more I can handle! My insides are about ready to imploded!