Urgh!

I saw the doctor yesterday and of course, I can try on our own this month but no clomid. He wants to put me on Metaformin to see if it will help at all. Metaformin is actually the gastrointestinal devil. It has awful side effects and a scarey (rare) but deadly condition can occur from taking it and it's side effects, basically very very very similar to the general ones! So last night I had a freak out about a lot of things, Metaformin was one of them. I have the prescription filled and right to go but I don't know if I want to take it, I don't know if I can handle work and Claire will such major "bath room" and horrible stomach side effects. It's just a "maybe" it will work. I don't have any high levels from my PCOS so it's just a precautionary measure. I have started taking 81mg of aspirin every morning. I'm fine with that (minus the whole glass of water in the morning. I hate drinking water or any liquid in the morning - yuck!) Urgh! I don't know what to do. I just want to start this cycle like normal! I wanted to start clomid now!! I don't want to wait, I DONT WANT TO!!! The need and want for a baby, a baby brother or sister for Claire is outrageously strong! It sucks! If I some how got pregnant on my own this month (ya right) I would be due the end of August. If I get pregnant with Decembers period, I would be due in October. I'm confused, mad, sad, angry and some-days hopeless. I hated. I'm so happy with Claire and my family but inside of breaking and I don't know how much more I can handle! My insides are about ready to imploded!

Waiting

Well, my last pill of progesterone is in and now I wait. Wait for AF to show it's face and we can move on, get start, let hope and faith take it's course! I'm secretly hoping I got pregnant on my own because I'm pretty sure I ovulated last week, we shall see!
I just get in moods where I never think I will be pregnant (successfully) again! It makes me sad and angry. Then a sense of relief comes over my, I really think it's my faith and hope that let me know, I will. I just wanted it so bad. Think of something you want night now and you can't have it, it drives you insane. Thankfully I have a crazy two year old to keep me super busy! She's my everything right now! Thank God I have her, she makes me think happy thoughts!
Well hopefully soon I will be peeing on a stick and I will see a nice dark positive! I don't just want to be pregnant, I want to be pregnant with a super healthy/sticky bean!!

Results

The Results are in....

Negative/normal

Let's recap: Eric and I decided to have the recurrent miscarriage test for the two types of blood clotting disorders/auto-immune. Also I had my glucose levels test, due to the PCOS. 

All came back normal! I'm super excited because it a huge relief but also a little sad because the reason I've lost two babies is still unknown to me. Yes, they were probably just freak accidents that "just" happened. There is another chromosomal test we can do if it happens again. We will be getting Eric's semen analysis done to double check him. I will be taking a baby aspirin a day just as a pro-cation. My RE has seen those two test come back fine but the ladies still have miscarriage, they go on baby aspirin and they get pregnant and stay pregnant! That's what I want and I will take another pill a day to get that!

We will be starting clomid again once AF shows her face and we will go from there. My clomid amount will not change seeing as it's worked. I'm thinking about doing an IUI to make sure good spremies get up there and it gives me a little bit higher of a chance to make sure they get to the eggs!

I will update once I know more but for once, I am happy with a negative/normal test!

Fingers crossed for a August or September baby!!