SO close...

It's SO close to positive....SO very VERY close!! We will make sure to cover our bases over the next few nights!! Fingers crossed!

Testing...

Testing...I've been using my ovulation test and things are happening. They are slowly getting darker! I'm just waiting for the moment that it's actually a positive! I am having "other" signs that ovulation is in the near future! I hope I can do this on my own. It would be awesome, amazing, and a true miracle if we can do this on our own this month. I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch but I'm saying an extra prayer and crossing my fingers a little harder this month!

Another One Bites the Dust

Although I never thought for a million years I was pregnant this time around. I mean come on, I saw a freakin' negative a day after my period should have been here. I guess that was my first clue I missed. My period wasn't here. It wasn't here because I was having a chemical pregnancy.

I went to the doctor on Monday for more blood work and an u/s and the u/s showed nothing! There might have been a small tiny dot that could have been something that tried to implant. My tubes looked clear and so I was a little less worried about a tubal pregnancy. My blood work came back and my beta was dropping nicely. From 180 to 46. I went back Thursday a.m. for more blood work and my beta dropped even more to 11 so it was safe to say we were having another miscarriage and there was no chance of a tubal! Thank heavens!

To me, this wasn't a true miscarriage. I would consider it more of a chemical pregnancy - one that never implants. I feel the two are very different but still, I got pregnant and can't keep them around too long. WTF. I had Claire fine. No help, no worries. Carried her to term and she was healthy. We are confused. Something changed in my body in the last 3 years. We are going to do some additional testing to see if something is up or if these two were just freak accidents.

This one hasn't hit me too hard because I didn't even realize I was pregnant until it was too late. I had basically two days to think about a baby within. By the third day I was cramping and my beta was dropping. That night, my period arrived!

Doc wants to wait a couple of months, I'm saying I will take this month off and try again in Oct. I hope he agrees. I want to get a move on things and get a sticky/healthy bean inside of me. I think we will be brave souls and try and IUI next time. That way only healthy and correct shaped sperm get in and get to the egg!

Time will tell what the future holds but I hope it holds many more babies!

WTF

WTF is SO what's swirling around in my head! You know how I was waiting for AF to show her head and get cycle 2 going, well she didn't show. I went in for blood work Friday afternoon to see what's up. What's up is I'm "pregnant"! I know right, WTF? I got a negative,no line test last Wednesday night - two days after AF was suppose to be here. NOW you are telling me I'm preggo?! Eric and I were SO confused. My levels are low so either a) it's a natural miscarriage b) it's ectopic c) I ovulated later then except (even with the trigger shot). I don't know what to think but I know for sure I had under 20ml of hcg in my system last Wednesday night and now I have much more! It's crazy. I'm confused and pissed. If my doctor is correct and this is an inconclusive pregnancy, which probably won't work - I'm super pissed. What is up with my freakin' body. Two 1st times getting pregnant but possible two not sticky beans - URGH! It's hard to have hope when your doctor doesn't. He's trying to compare last time with this time - he can't. Last time I got a positive the day after my period and this time I didn't. It was NEGATIVE. So maybe I ovulated late and/or implanted a little later. I don't know what's up but I haven't been the best pregnant girl because I didn't think I was pregnant! OMG! Why, WHY me!

Blood work and u/s tomorrow morning. Hopefully I will know more soon. I guess we can cross our fingers for late ovulation...we shall see!

Spotting and Waiting

Well I suppose to have AF but instead I have on and off brown/tan spotting. Urgh. Why? Why me? I just want me period to come and we can move on to the next cycle. I've never had this happen to me before. The two times before we got pregnant with Claire, AF started on her own. The last time, no AF = pregnant. Now, nothing. I don't know whats going on. I called my RE office yesterday and she said the NP will call me tomorrow (today). I hope they get me in for a blood test and u/s just to make sure everything is okay. I'm just hoping and wishing that AF will start. Ha, you don't know many people that wish that!

Update soon!

This Is What Keeps Me Going...

She is makes everything better! She is my sunshine. I love her to the moon and back!

On To The Next...

Well, my test had one line so now I'm just waiting on Aunt Flo to show her ugly, ugly face. Then it will be on to Cycle two. I was sad at first but now I'm fine. I'm fine because I would rather it happen and happen right. Right meaning: healthy and very sticky. Last time it happened the first cycle and it ended in a not so good way. Maybe we are meant for a May baby? That sounds nice to me.

Truthfully, I have some relief in not having to worry because once I see those lovely two lines, the worrying will commence to the highest level it can and that's not fun. I will be thrilled, over joyed and elated that I'm pregnant but now I'm one of those people who have to get past the miscarriage hump and that can feel like light years away.

I know my time will come. Baby Sam is up there with God, waiting for the right moment to help pick out the perfect, super healthy baby brother or sister for Claire. I have faith and hope!

Hopefully I will update soon when I see the Doc!

TGIF everyone.