The End

This is the end. With u/s confirmation baby #2 (now referred to as baby b) didn't grow and had no heartbeat. Which call it motherly instinct or a gut feeling, I knew all a long that something, just something wasn't right. Even with the morning sickness and sore breast, we weren't connected. I never "felt" pregnant. By that, I feel it was my way of coming to terms with something that was about to happen. Maybe it was God's way of preparing me.

The doctor gave us his speech, which I replied rather quickly, "It's okay, I'm really fine. No worries!" He gave us our options. We went with option 3 - "the pill". The pills (which you took by mouth) were painless, well, they caused pain but were simple enough to take. 4 now and 4 in 12 hours. The miscarriage start around 6 hours after taking the 1st 4 pills. It was the middle of the night, the cramps started (which I was prescribed Tylenol with codeine and still haven't used). I went to the bathroom and things had begun. I prepared myself as I walked down the hall way to the bathroom saying, "You will see red blood and that's okay".


The bleeding hasn't been too bad but I am prone to heavy bleeding periods and the cramps come and go and so far no medicine has been need (but I do have a strong tolerance for pain - thank goodness at a time like this). Mentally, I think I'm in disbelief but again, I never "felt" pregnant the entire month I new. Now, I'm just taking my emotions day by day and getting through each one. It's harder some days then others simple because of Facebook and all the pregnant  and baby announcements make me sad. I just think of all the wasted time and that makes me mad. I know I could have had a health baby, leading to a healthy pregnancy but that wasn't the case.

 I go back in two weeks for a beta draw. We will see where my levels are at that time and go for there. My doctor waits 6 weeks for non-regular period women (that's me) to start a new cycle again. We are again in the waiting processes but hopefully next time it will have a happy ending!